New Beginning? -or- The Very End?

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First Awareness

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I was starting to get nervous, there was something different about the voices around me. I was in an unfamiliar surround and I did not understand so I decided to cry. As soon as I did, a familiar voice started to console me. I had no idea what was going on.

Then there was another change, I was lying on my back. Everything was so dull and blurry. The voices continued to surround me for what seemed an extraordinary amount of time. The familiar voice was continuing for quite some time. And then I heard it...

"Bye Ben.... Goodbye." I began to cry again. "Its ok. Goodbye." Was the familiar voice saying that to me? Where am I going? What's going on? Will I be back?

I was on my back and now moving. I can see green shapes of what appears to be people hovering over me as I moved, lying on my back. Doors flung open and closed on either side of me. There were several voices I did not recognize. I finally stopped and I was blinded.

I began to cry.

The unfamiliar voices were calm and talking amongst themselves. I really couldn't see anything anymore because there was an extremely bright light staring down at me. I could only see outlines of people looking over me. I was more confused than anything so lay there quiet.

Then I heard it. A weird "whirring" noise. I shrieked.

Everybody started talking all the sudden and I kept screaming. I was confused and that noise was scaring the shit out of me.

The noise was getting louder and changing in pitch. It was effecting me somehow. I was terrified. So I kept screaming. The noise stopped abruptly and there was a lot of talking going on around me. The light was blinding me and everything seemed so blurry. The familiar voice came back.

"Its ok, Its ok. Relax Ben. I'm right here. Stop crying, its ok."

The noise began again.....

The Memory Ends Here.

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This my first memory. This is the furthest back I can recall. As I have recalled this memory with family members in the past, they assured me it was not a nightmare. It indeed happened. It happened more than once.

I was born with a couple problems. The first and biggest problem was I was not breathing at first. Obviously that problem was quickly fixed and have not have any brain damage due to prolonged lack of oxygen to my brain.

The second problem was found out later. I was born with hip dysplasia and it is not too uncommon. What that means is I was born with my leg joint growing outside of my hip joint. Therefore, I lived a lot of time in a cast that started at my upper chest and ended at my ankles. There was a nice little door in the back so that I could be cleaned.

What my first memory is... a cast changing. They were sawing off an old cast and later applying a new one. I was growing, therefore, the cast had to be changed periodically. I always found it strange that it was something I remembered but everything else that everyone talks about never comes to mind. I must have terrified me enough to burn it in my brain and sometimes even haunt me. I have spent years trying to piece the events together or even remember another similar event from a different time.

The stories that I'm told of me during that time does not ring anything to consciousness. Unable to crawl when I tried to because of my heavy weighted cast. Nothing. Doing endless push-ups because that was the only main movement I could do. Nothing. The only real proof that any of this really happened are word of mouth, photos and maybe some 8 mm film. The photos and film I do not have any access to. They exist but they are being held hostage by some selfish people. The last time I saw any photos of myself at that time is getting near 18 years now... and even that is starting to blur into a figment of my imagination.

The other piece of physical proof this happened is I remember the infamous highchair. I was an old large wooden highchair altered specifically for me. It had two semi-circles cut from either side of the chair to put my legs into. You see, I was put into the cast bow-legged, hence the two joints were forced together and forced to grow correctly. The last time I saw that chair was at a garage sale we had about 20 years ago.

I yearn to see the photos again so that I can put some of my thoughts to rest. I feel as though my memory is not serving me properly and word of mouth just does not cut it. Most of my first 10 years of my life is securely locked away in a large brass box. Only a couple have been stolen and given to me since. It is guarded by a selfish, angry and depressed soul hundreds of miles away from me. I should not have to beg for these things.

Blogability

So CV and I went out and bought a spool of blank DVD's. I now have our music library completely backed up. I was getting nervous about getting a copy of all our music out because if something were to happen, I would end up manually putting the 5000 songs back on. Now its all compacted to 7 DVD's.

Slowly getting ready for our trip to Maine, I'm in the mode of trying to gather my thoughts together so that I don't miss anything we will be needing. New tires for my car are a must because they are acting a little too slippery on the wet road. CV is already talking about packing things! She is crazy. I usually like to pack right before I leave. This year I will be packing right before I goto work, so when I get home, we can launch immediately.

The real reason why I am writing today is because I am thankful some people are reading and commenting here. To tell you the truth, I was not expecting anybody to comment at all. I guess I have CV to thank for pushing people my way. I know my spelling and grammar have been ass poor but I plan to fix this. Beyond CV pushing me for months to start a blog, here are some of the reasons I am writing.

1) CV (Holly)

2) Purge my system of pent up anger, this has been an excellent output avenue for me.

3) Writing practice. I have not written in years and it will be a while till I can make this more interesting. Eventually, if I stick with this, I will be going into larger, more complex formats of writing.

4) To spawn new thought patterns and creativity. I have learned that, for most of us, creativity only comes to us after exercising it continually. The rest of you are lucky.

Again, thank you for reading. I have a buffer of about 15 posts that I am working on right now. I am guessing, the more I write, the less dark the subject matter will be.... but don't get me wrong, I do have a lot to purge. Fasten your seatbelt and secure your helmet and I hope to see your helpful comments in the future. If you would like to link up, please let me know through the comments section or email: pics_closet@yahoo.com

Where's The Beef?

All bun, no beef. Big words, big ideas and big nothing. That's what I call all of our space project programs.

Its not our governments fault and its not NASA's fault. They are taking giant strides in accomplishing little. Maybe they are missing the point.

"For the greater good of science and humankind."

Don't get me wrong. I would love to travel the great void that envelopes us all. I find it sometimes frightening that we all live in a small pocket of air, water and magnetic gravity. We are trapped here as long as "the money" is being spent incorrectly. I'm guessing that I'm talking about this because I got CV and I just finished an Aliens marathon. In those movies they ride in oversized spaceships, they talk about mining ore on other planets outside our solar system, they have ongoing taraforming projects, they freeze themselves for hypersleep and they even have artificial gravity on those ships. Most of what those movies speak of can be accomplished with current technology. Unlike Star Wars and Star Trek where most of their technologies are made up fantasies where they bend a lot of scientific laws.


Creating such an infrastructure would take a huge "mankind" effort and would cost trillions of dollars. To create profitable and safe space travel will have to be a legacy of our planet before it can ever transform. The worst thing that could happen would be to create political boundaries beyond our atmosphere. So, the more civilized acting countries are going to have to have to work together. The world will have to be mainly at peace. The first thing that will have to be built is a low orbiting space station. One that can handle housing hundreds of people and be able to easily handle constant space traffic. It would probably be big enough to see the outline of it in a clear sky. Therefore, we can't have any nutball countries trying to blow it out of the sky.


Creating that first space station will probably be the hardest accomplishment. No, not that hunk of crap up there now. That "International Space Station" will only be in service for another decade or two. Even the current one was hard to make for one reason. Gravity. Launching anything off of our planet is a huge pain in the ass because gravity. Its the reason why space flight is so expensive and dangerous. All the fuel and energy it takes to launch 7 people with experiments off of our ground is extremely wasteful. The space station will act as a go-between from earth to the station. Longer flights could be launched from the station without blowing out a majority of the fuel and power within the first couple minutes. Also, spacecraft launching from the space station does not need to be aerodynamic. Launch vehicles that send people and supplies to the station and vehicles that never hit Earth's atmosphere will be two totally different concepts.

Once you have that initial space station in place, you can now begin true exploration. This is where large corporations and governments will blow a ton of money. Sending unmanned and manned flights to every edge of our solar system will take an extreme amount of time and patience. My suggestion would be to revisit the moon and stop fucking around. With the moon's low gravity, it makes it the most logical step. Another idea would be to throw gobs of scientists on the moon to fully explore what its profitable potential could be. If enough elements could be mined from the moon, we could easily start production of products to be sent back to earth and products that could further our exploration of our universe. Finding and producing fuel and metals could make exploration of our surroundings extremely cheap.

My current feeling of space exploration is that there is no real plan. Sure, we have satellites mapping other planets, rovers crawling around Mars, shuttles conducting experiments and JPL finding new ways to defeat gravity and time. Some companies report they are trying to get flight and hotel tourism going to the moon and Mars within the next 20 years. Other enterprising individuals are patiently waiting to tap elements from other planets so that they can start production. They are held back because there is not enough of the certain element is here and its too expensive and wasteful. If I had it my way, we would pull all the resources of all the countries and corporations into one cooperative entity that would govern itself outside of political boundaries. With our own government hanging a noose around NASA everytime they hit a snag, real exploration and accomplishments get stifled. The technology that NASA is using for manned space flight is almost 30 years old. Yeah, before the VCR and home computer.

Infrastructure and Standards. Our Interstate highway system is based off of a military strategy. The internet is based off of our current phone lines, television cables and was also based off of military protocols. In these two examples, it took years, money and cooperative efforts to complete. In fact, it took 10 whole years for the VCR to saturate only 60% of US households. These examples show that creating a standard and a base to where any true exploration can begin, there would have to be a single entity governing policy. A "Brand X" space craft (with "Brand Xs" approved docking lock) docking onto the spacestation with "Brand Y" docking capabilities would be disastrous with out a standards committee in place. We would want all people to be able to dock safely. The Wal-Mart docking lock would have to be the same size, shape and quality as the Sony docking lock.

Our education system also needs to be rehauled. Just scrap the whole system. With information practically doubling itself every couple years its becoming impossible to teach everything in depth. I could start ranting about how schools are funded and how politics and religion are screwing over a whole generation. These are valid points, but I want to focus on that fact that you can't teach everybody everything. Children should be taught the basics and then given time to go into their own research. Inspiring people to think on their own should be the new education. Do your own research. Screw gym class, lunch time and recess. What a waste of time and resources. I think specialty schools are in order. You see some of them around now but a majority of schools are just general everything. Based on you IQ, learning style and interests will put you into a certain school. Someone that cannot understand math and science at a certain level should not be forced to learn it in the state sponsored general way. I believe many geniuses have been wrongly dubbed as dumb or ignorant. Our greatest asset to space exploration is finding those strange backward thinking people that can solve problems thinking differently than someone with a general science degree.

Bravery. This will also play as a factor into how much can be done in exploration. In the activities I state above, I am guessing injuries and death will be part of daily life in space. Personally, I would find it more honorable to die for exploration than to die for bad politics. I will never sign myself into the military but I would be the first in line to endanger my life for outer space. I think people are generally weak and have little or no stamina for even the most basic tasks. Maybe in our new education system we could teach people personal attributes, tolerance and consideration for others is their own barrier between defeat and success. I think our current collective state of mind is defeatist.


I don't expect to see any of this happen. Fanaticism with religion and self indulgence currently rules our world. I still keep a hope in mind that maybe someday we will have someone that is influential enough to change the minds of the voting majority. You may have heard,"Humans, since the beginning of time, have had a yearning to explore and learn new things. Its a part of their basic instinct." I hope we get back on track again.

Hilarious!

I just found this funny. I'm only guessing that its graphics from Star Wars: Galaxies.

Video

Target Shooter

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Meet Satan

How does the head of the Board of Elections that is handing out "no bid contracts" to Ohio company Diebold for computerized election machines get to be able to do this?










I believe "The Daily Show with John Stewart" dressing him up in a wedding dress to symbolize his filthy connections with large corporations and how he managed to screw thousands of people out of their rite to elect the President of the United States that THEY WANT. Why won't the media point this out?

Government Project

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Interesting Web Site

Phone Losers of America

I have been coming to this site for years. Mainly its about destroying pay phones, screwing with your neighbor's phone lines and crank calls. The site used to list secure frequencies that the government and large corporations used but I have not seen those in some time. The "Entertainment" links will get you to the funny stuff but there are also links to other crank sites that put their own twist into the art. There is a bunch of media to explore in the "Our Pranks" section as well. Its not for everyone but I always get a good laugh from it. Basically, it gives a different prospective to rebelling against large corporate entities or just a good laugh.

Oh, Deer!

Tuesday I was doing the regular routine of my day off.... being lazy. I decided at about noon to go outside and start the sprinkler because I want our Cannas to be huge this year. There will only be a few because I accidentally planted the bulbs before some late freezes that killed most of it. So I'm making sure what we do have will survive. I walked around the corner and and set up the sprinkler head and started the water. I started walking around the corner again to the backyard and I came to a full stop mid step.

I found myself staring directly at a male deer that stood just as startled and shocked no more than 50 feet away from me. At first my brain was not comprehending what I was seeing. That animal was not supposed to be there. The only thing that separated us was a 3 foot high fence. The deer was slightly shaking its leg and holding it up as if in a defensive stance. I'm used to all kinds of wildlife and I kind of enjoy the skunks, raccoons, opossums, squirrels, rabbits, mice and the huge blend of birds that circle our habitat. That all seems pretty normal to me in this area. We are basically in the middle of a neighborhood in the middle of a city... so how did a deer get here?

I grabbed the camcorder and ran back outside... of course, the battery was dead. I ran back inside and got an extension cord and started taping what I was seeing so people I told wouldn't think I'm nuts. After a couple minutes of taping and watching the deer slowly back away into another backyard and I went and got the phone to start making calls. I love animals and I would hate to see this one get killed, taunted or in trouble. So I called the trusty city police. They arrived in 2 squad cars no more than 3 minutes after I called... it was the fastest response time I had ever seen by them! They took more time getting here when there was a brawl going on across the street one year. The phenomenon must have sparked their interest. So, I watched the coppers circle around the address that I reported the deer, I startled the one policewoman because I was kinda sitting down low still watching the deer and taking a couple snap shots. The two cops stayed about 3 minutes and left. They never even spoke to me... nuthin... Worthless police. I didn't know what the city policy is on all this but ignoring the reporting person/witness is probably not part of the policy. After a while the deer was out of sight and I want back to my lazy routine.

Later that day CV came home and I showed her the tape so she wouldn't think I was nuts. At about 8 PM she went outside for a "breath of fresh air" and she started calling my name. There it was again, the same deer about 8 hours after I first spotted it. So we both watched the deer and I took more video of it. What really got me is that the deer then hopped over a 6 foot fence without a problem. It was out of sight so I decided to make more calls.
The poor lost deer was concerning me.

I called the dog catcher's number that was listed as "OTHER". They apparently are only useful for dogs only and pointed me in the direction of the county wildlife office. I that number I listened to a 5 minute taped message on how to care for a hurt deer and finally at the END of the message it gave a number to a wildlife office that would take care of all other concerns. So I called that number and left a message.

The next day some type of a wildlife ranger dude called and explained that its perfectly normal for a deer to wander off and get stuck in the city from time to time. He said he used to live in our area and its more common than people think that deer are in our area but he said that he is used to getting calls like mine because people are not used to seeing them walking around neighborhoods. Basically, its on its own. I have not seen the deer since but I have a theory that some construction in the area that is taking out some patches of woods must have disrupted the deer's lazy daily routine and it got just as nosy as I am.

Patience Test

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I Want One!

Electro-Magnetic Multi-Elbow (EMME)

Okay, so I was laying there awake last night coughing and disturbing CV and my mind was wandering and racing. So I got up and had some water and still couldn't figure out why I was still awake and thinking about the dorky looking object you see above. I downloaded a free trail of Macromedia Freehand and started drawing the object stuck in my head.

Imagine, if you will, that this is only a partial illustration and I'm only a beginner at this drawing tool. Each section can be multiplied as many times as you wish. Just remember that every other joint goes from XY axis then XZ axis then XY axis.... you get the picture. In other words, every next joint is offset by 90 degrees in its swing action.

The joints, like humans, would just flop to the floor if not powered on. They would just sit there in any old mangled direction of how they fell. BUT, when powered on with electro-magnetism locking the joints into place, it can stand rigid at any angle you wish.

There are four functions that would make this arm useful.



1) The CPU. The CPU (brain) would control when, how, where and why a joint would unlock (power down) and lock (power up) into a new position. The CPU may also be processing cameras for eyes so it can strategically maneuver through its environment on its own.



2) Repositioning. The arm would have to initiate a rotation in order to create a new angle or position. This could either be done by gravity or a directional pulse from the electro-magnetic joint itself. If there were several different areas within the joint that would power up separately, you could power up or down areas quickly in order to get the arm to move in a certain direction.



3) Circumference Sensors. When the joints are repositioning, the arm will have to know when to stop in its new position. So, the arm swinging along would send back a signal from the circle of sensors in the joint to the CPU. The CPU will able to read how far the joint has repositioned or at what angle its currently at and then decide when to re-lock the arm.



4) Electro-Magnetic Joint. This is the piece that makes the whole idea work. The joint will be mainly made of man-made magnets that only attract opposites when electricity is run through it. You have seen this in some "cop action movies" where they are in the junk yard and the bad guy picks up the car with a magnet attached to a crane. The bad guy is able to drop the car for great heights when he powers off the magnet holding the car in the air. OR, if you ever worked in a secure building where you must have an access card to power off the magnet holding the door shut. This is all based off the same principles. Powered off and the joint is loose and free to swing. Powered on and the joint is locked into place.


Extra Option

5) Azimuth Rotator. A separate joint put on one end of the arm or between joints to twist the arm on the YZ axis so that all angles and directions can be found and used with the arm. Not in the picture, but it would complete the arm.


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The whole point behind making an arm like this is that it is not driven by gears. Unless I missed something, all of the robotic arms I have seen are gear and servo driven. Using the rules above, you could achieve a simpler, faster more resilient and cheaper arm joint. There would be no gears that crack, break or wear down. No servo motors that die out or break.

The hardest part of this whole idea is controlling the electricity to each joint and maintaining the sensors. Programming the CPU to control the arm would also be a complete headache.

If this already exists and I'm just seeing this out of memory, please tell me, its driving me nuts. If it does not exist. Go ahead and steal the idea because it would be a major pain to create. Happy headaches!

If you could just imagine the applications of such an arm that could swing in almost a 360 degree and 3 dimensional motion! It would kick those Mars rovers butts, Humans would be replaced with EMMEs in factories and the applications could stretch way beyond there. What would you use it for?

First Heat

Ok, so this is the first week of real heat this year and its starting to boil my blood. First the AC goes crazy. That's okay, I can deal with it. But now its really starting to heat up and maintenance is nowhere in sight. I go and try to cut our lawn ... front yard... everything went smooth. Then the backyard and the lawn mower starts burping and acting nuts. There is oil and gas in it and man it took a long time to finish the backyard. Top it off with my slight cold right now, my winter blood has not thinned yet and its all starting to make me grumpy.... well... aside from my usual demeanor.

I read the paper today and it stated that the Fire Department will now start handing out $300 fines for illegally opening up a fire hydrant. They said there were 175 cases in the last 3 days because people are trying to cool off. In one case the fireman shut the valve and the whole neighborhood started attacking him with water pistols and then began beating on his truck. I thought that was humorous. Stay Cool!

CRASH!

That's the sound the AC unit made this morning. What a wonderful way to wake up. At first it sounded like someone slammed through our front window. I wasn't sure what happened so I started walking around the house making sure nothing was broken.... then I realized. For the first time in 41 hours the AC unit was not running.

Every year we have had to persistently call our rental management company in order to get it fixed. Every piece of the unit is old, rusted and well past its age of normal use. I have gotten excuses from the maintenance workers about how it needs a day or two to power up or how its fine... but it must be user error. So I had a mission this year... run it into the ground. Setting the thermostat to 65, we have been letting it run continuously since Sunday afternoon. Yesterday I noticed there was ice all over the pipe leading from the unit outside to the blower unit inside. Even though that ice existed, it was still approximately 75-80 degrees. The reason I don't know the exact temperature is because the thermostat is an old piece of junk as well.

Once I realized the unit was off for the first time in nearly 2 days, I walked over to the thermostat and pushed the temperature gauge lower. The whole unit sprang to life but it sounded horrible. CLANK! CLANG! CLANK! I immediately pushed the gauge up to 90 degrees and the power flickered and the unit shut off. My next mission was to reset all of our clocks because of the power surge... or lack of power, not sure. Then I got to alert the management for the third time in 2 days about the AC unit. One through e-mail, then through online form.... and then the phone call.

I cannot complain, most of the time stuff here is fixed pretty quickly. This year we decided to push a little harder because we have been here as extremely good customers for over 3 years and we have barely made any complaints. This year be decided to make sure all the major repairs that needed to be done get finished. So far, the livingroom floor has been restabilized and no longer has a second function as a trampoline. We are still waiting on the much needed drainage repairs which requires ripping up the whole yard and repiping, fixing the sump pump again and repairing the basement walls. We are also waiting on a complete weather stripping fix. The lease manager also promised us new cabinets to replace the 35 year old ones but they have given us a bunch of excuses when we brought it up.

Though this management company is not as bad as the bastard that basically conned us out of our money several years ago, I always keep in mind the lessons I have learned from that experience. If the "major system" ( AC / Heat / Floor / Doors / Plumbing ) that was listed with the advertisement is not in working order, you can demand repairs or replacement of the "major system". Failure to do so by the owner/management company can result in escrow, ending the lease without penalty or even suing them for damages. I am keeping this in the back of my head this year because I know I have asked them for a lot but the maintenance is certainly needed. I also don't want to leave here because this is one of the few safer areas that you can get a basement, yard and some real privacy without paying a shitload of rent and driving a long commute into work.

Ahhh. I can feel the temperature rising as I type. I hope they get here soon.

Mall Rats Redux: RESPONSE

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Please refer to:
"Mall Rats Redux" from May 18th, before reading this.
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June 6, 2005



Dear Mr. [my name excluded]:

Thank you for contacting me regarding your concerns about [mall name excluded]. As the General Manager of [mall name excluded], it is my responsibility to oversee the operations and ensure that the guests that come through the property on a daily basis are safe and able to enjoy all of the amenities that we have to offer. I am always open to guest feedback because it helps refine our operations and improve the guest experience.

You mentioned in your email some very specific concerns relating to our security coverage. I can assure you that the resources we devote to securing [mall name excluded] are significant. [mall name excluded] encompasses 88 acres, is more than ten city blocks long and draws more than one and a half million visitors per month. We acknowledge and embrace our responsibility to foster a safe environment that allows customers of all ages and walks of life to enjoy the nearly 200 retail, restaurant and entertainment venues here.

Toward that end, [mall name excluded] has three categories of security personnel on site:

- [mall name excluded] Security Officers: Uniformed, unarmed officers who patrol on foot, bicycle and vehicle.
- [city] Police Department Special Duty Officers: Contracted in multiples to supplement [mall name excluded] a’s security teams. Patrol on foot and in vehicles.
- [city] Police Department Car 252: Assigned to [mall name excluded] 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

To reiterate, our number one priority at [mall name excluded] is to provide a safe and secure environment for our customers. In addition to the significant personnel on site, we also have incorporated widespread electronic surveillance in the common areas, parking lots, garages and pedestrian walkways.

Incidents of crime at [mall name excluded] are small, particularly when considered against the number of visits annually to the center. Detailed Information about crime reports filed at [mall name excluded] can be found at the [city] Police Department website at: [website excluded].

[mall name excluded] also maintains a code of conduct and parent escort policy that are displayed throughout the center. On weekends, our security team members distribute the code of conduct to patrons by hand. We aggressively enforce and publicize this code of conduct throughout the year. We cannot take responsibility for the parents of this community and their judgment or lack thereof. We are, however, unwavering in our enforcement of this policy.

While you have expressed some displeasure about the enforcement of that code, it is important to note that we receive customer feedback on both sides of this issue. Some feel it is too strict, some feel it is too lenient. We are the only shopping destination and theatre complex in [area] that has a Parental Escort Policy. We feel we are doing our due diligence in enforcing this policy for everyone a’s safety because of the unique environment at [mall name excluded], which includes tenants that offer alcohol late into the evening.

Regarding the sale of movie tickets to minors after 9:00 p.m., we cannot impose our will on the nearly 200 tenants that operate at [mall name excluded]. We work closely with each tenant, however, we simply cannot dictate their policies and procedures.

I am disappointed that we have lost you as a customer at [mall name excluded] but am appreciative that you took the time to contact me. However, if I could encourage to you to visit [mall name excluded] again, I would like to send you an [mall name excluded] gift card for sharing your concerns. Please contact [name excluded] Manager of Customer/Community Relations at xxx-xxxx and provide him with your address.

Sincerely,

[name excluded]
General Manager

Thor & The Trifecta

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OverKill

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