Content To Death

First I'm gonna have to define what content is in order to to get my idea out properly. According to "Riverside Webster's II Dictionary".

content - (ken' tent') n. - satisfaction : contentment.

My name and this word are not synonymous.
Actual, I am the complete opposite of the word. 180 out of phase with it. "Never give up, never surrender, nothing is perfect, never stop fighting, never back down, don't stop, challenge everything."

Though this could define some of my behavior throughout life, as I get older, it gets a little more toned down. I am learning to pick my battles better. Timing, seriousness of the matter and knowing your foe are some of the attributes I try to consider before I start a mess in order to get what I want. (I'm known for having an itchy trigger finger)

Life is messy. It is never perfect. You can either sit in your sludge and ignore the issues while everything falls apart around you OR start battling those issues one by one. Its hard to battle those issues. It takes persistence, perseverance, a little hard headedness, practice, persuasion and a tad of adrenaline. You can't give up, you can't lose and you must implement your process perfect everytime.

This all seems a bit heavy, too much, too hard, too impossible? If you want it bad enough, you will figure it out. I'm still trying to figure it all out.

This seems to be a very Americanized/Western vision. Being at the mercy of capitalism for my entire life it all seems natural to me. In fact, if you have lived in the United States or Western Europe and any other nation that doesn't have their head up their ass during my life-time it should start to make some type of sense to you as well.

So.... What happened?

I always viewed people who don't want more as corpses. What's the point of life without wanting to inspire change and self growth in your own life? Another word I have for it is : Droid. Without feeling or want you must be a machine... a droid.

Why do I feel like I'm surrounded by droids? What the hell happened?

Relying too much on your union? Inundated by poor credit? Inundated by poor credibility? Unwilling to change your poor everyday life? Is it too hard? Do the drugs take the life out of you? Can't find a job? Horrible childhood? Crappy school?

I personally don't understand all these excuses. Sure, I've seen my dark days. I wanted to do away with myself at some points of my life. Self worth down to zero. I blamed poor parenting and my current useless situation as to my demise. But after a little hard work and some painful purging of bad feelings and blame, I feel more in control of my life and future than ever before. Those self-destructive and suicidal thoughts seem so foreign to me now. I used to play chicken on my bike with oncoming cars on Highland Road as a confused child. Crazy huh? How did it make sense then? I'm guessing I felt trapped and couldn't fix the situation. That was my best fix at the time. The ultimate control.

So, how are people just content? Even "The American Way" does not leave room for contentment. American's are supposed to want and do the best in your own view... Forget the politics. Are you there? Are you even understanding this? Are you dead?






If you are getting angry now.... its a good sign.